We know. Seriously, we know! Stop griping at us people! We’re sorry. We’ve not been giving you the “news”. Here are 10 things we didn’t tell you.
1. If a celebrity is arrested in the middle of the night because her husband drank too much and drove a Ford Focus, does it make the news? Spoiler Alert. It does.
2. Holly Madison gave birth. Do.Not.Care.Enough.To.Link.You
3. Someone is rumored to be
wearing a pillow under their shirt pregnant again.
4. American Idol is blaming their four judges for their low ratings instead of blaming it on the show being stupid. hastagtothepoint
5. Barbara Walters is a quitter. No one is committed to anything anymore.
6. Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers are taking over late night shows on NBC. This move may very well solve the crisis in the Middle East.
7. Nerd prayers come true! Chris Hardwick is the new host of a new Comedy Central late night show.
8. GaGaloo is up and about again. Working on dat album and making us squeel with disco-stick shaped delight.
9. Savannah Guthrie is engaged. We’re not sure why this is news. Ann Curry for Hillary Clinton’s VP!
10. Matt Mira and Jonah Ray have been making pure Nerdist-fan fiction magic on the new Nerdist TV Show. See Below.
When we think about the upcoming summer, we have one goal. That goal is to make sure that all of our loved ones, and even those we don’t love, know that if they even dare try to contact us on Sunday, Wednesday or Thursday that they will forever be banished because during the summer, we watch Big Brother on those three nights, and nothing is more sacred.
Well there is something more sacred. That’s GaGaloo. As we’ve already told you, Mother Monster got herself a major boo boo and had to cancel the tour. She’s been at home
ordering a golden wheelchair resting and preparing for her future. Once again, we’ve got our hands on the text convo she had regarding her plans.
So there you have it. GaGa is collaborating with To Bey on a jazz album and
completing the only thing for which we wake up everyday ARTPOP. Mother Monster will be busy as a little bee wearing hot pants this summer and that’s just the way we like her.
Side note. Tomorrow is our birthday and the day thereafter is GaGaloo’s. Coincidence that the world pushed us both out of it’s loins
years apart and on two completely different days in March? We think not. We were Born This Way. Ey-o!
Filed under: Celebrity
We’re going to start this post and just act like everything’s fine. We’ll not even discuss the travesty that has rendered us un-blogable for days.
The Oscars were Sunday. We watched them. We snarked about them. We watched everyone else snark about them yesterday and today we give you our snark.
Our main complaint with the Oscars is that the stage always looks like it’s straight out of a Home Interiors catalog. Don’t believe me? See the comparison below. One is from the 1988 Home Interior Catalog and one is the 2013 Oscar’s stage. It’ll be hard to determine which is which so we’ll just tell you. The stage is the one on the right. I bet that placed reeked of baked apple pie.
Moving on. Listen, when this is over. There’s a good chance we don’t mention something you wanna talk about. Put it in comments lovies!
First up! Kristin Chenoweth. As you continue to read, do so after sucking on some helium. How long does it take you to get tired of hearing that grating sound? That’s what it is like to listen to her. Stop talking like a baby! Also, stop doing whatever you’re cosmetically doing to yo face! You’re getting dangerously close to looking like that thing from Lord of the Hobbits or whatever.
Next up. Anne Hathaway. You said “it came true” as you accepted your Oscar. I can only imagine “it” is your goal to be transported back to 1995 to buy a prom dress from Deb. Then you pranced over to Claire’s and got yourself a choker.
Were you guys on the fence about Jennifer Lawrence? Cause we were. We were all, “oh I’m not sure” while we clutched our pearls and drank our juleps. But then J-Law won our hearts when b-word fell as she was going up to receive her Oscar and you know what she did not do? She did not lie there and cry and refuse to get up and scream “cut away, cut away!” like we would’ve done. No, she just got on with it. We love her for it. We also love Hugh Jackman for
being balls to the wall hawt, a real gentleman and trying to help her while every other onlooker just kept clapping and staring.
Lastly and most importantly. Ben Affleck
and Matt Damon produced a movie and it won for best movie! Argo, is hands down, the best movie of the year. But it was Ben and Matt who won for best speech moment when boo boo teared up saying his kids’ names. Plus, the beard. Yes Benny boy, yes.
Filed under: GaGaloo
GaGa cancelled her tour yesterday due to a hip injury. We barely made it out of bed today but we managed. Get yourself better Mother Monster. xoxo
Happy weekend EarthHam sweet peas!! We’ve been watching all you Lil Monsters out there searching frantically to see what is going on with Perez and GaGa. Well, like we already told you, there’s clearly a
meat dress some beef between them now. However, most recently, Perez posted a video talking about Justin Bieber now has more Twitter followers than GaGa. In the dumb video, Perez only compares the Biebs to Mother Monster. Ok first, it’s twitter. I know GaGaloo has been the queen of social media for a while but is it really “newsworthy” that Bieber has more fans Perez? And if it is, why make a video about it only comparing him to GaGa and not other stars on twitter? We’ll tell you why. Because Perez takes his opps to take shots at GaGa. Get over it Perez. You’re losing followers by throwing shade at GaGa so you better check yourself.
So after pissing off most of the Lil Monsters out there, now Perez is losing fans from the Rihanna Navy. In another
dumb video, Perez speaks about how he’s losing respect for Ri Ri now because of her recent don’t give an eff attitude and comments about Chris Brown. Listen, we’re all worried about Ri Ri but girlfriend’s gonna do what she wants and she keeps putting out the hits so leave her alone. I’m sure that your attempt to seek more attention open letter to her will really make her rethink her current behavior.
So in closing, Perez continues his journey to nobody cares land. As a beginning gossip blogger, at least we know that there isn’t a chance in pop culture hell that anyone thinks our opinion matters. We’re just trying to entertain, must like GaGa and Rihanna. Perez, there used to be a time when you were a tab open on our computer all day because you posted entertaining posts but now you’ve gotten to big for your britches (we’re from WV y’all) and we can’t deal. We gave you 1 hit and 2 views today so we could watch your videos and we feel so dirty about it that we need to go exfoliate. Get.it.together.
Happy Wednesday EarthHam babes! We made it through the inauguration and it was wonderful! We’ll spend the next few days dreaming of rising to the task of civic duty just so we can have a formal ball but then we’ll realize that mostly, civic duty, requires a lot of reading, and unless that reading is of snarky blogs, we want none of that. So……..
Any hooter! While someone thought it was a grand idea to lip sync the National Anthem, Mother Monster performed with a living legend for the campaign staffers over at the Washington Convention Center. We texted her again just like back when she performed with the Rolling Stones. It went like this.
Check out GaGa not lip syncing last night in the video below!
Filed under: Celebrities Abusing Their Fake Power, Celebrity, GaGaloo, Jerks, Reality Stars
Hello EarthHam babies! We’ve been watching our stats and really want to give a shout out to all the Canadians up there reading the page. You guys sure are interested in the GaGa/Perez Feud! We are too, but unfortunately there isn’t much news on that front because Mommy Monster is too busy defending herself from
a famous person’s daughter and wife Kelly and Sharon Osborne. Here’s the break down for ya.
Kelly is on Fashion Po Po going on and on about how GaGa’s weight makes her look pregnant (uh rude) and how her fans (us, Little Monsters, us) are horrible. So some Little Monsters got a tad carried away on the twitters being mean to Kelly. Sharon allegedly
rudely interrupted wrote a letter to GaGa asking her to calm her fans. But even better, GaGaloo GOT REALZ and sent an open letter to Kelly and Sharon. It was you know, well formulated and thought out so Sharon responded by calling GaGa a bully by you know, bullying her.
Here’s what we’ll say. GaGa is right. Sharon and Kelly are wrong. GaGa can’t control her fans but she can be an example and she did so with her open letter. This needs to stop.
Next. Ok so there this dude who plays
on that team that thought they could win against an SEC team even though the rest of the country knew better Notre Dame’s football team, who told the world that he had a girlfriend who died. But it turns out the whole thing was a fake documentary for the TV show Catfish just a hoax. Deadspin gives all the details on this linky. Honestly, what is going on in South Bend? He says he was tricked. We say, we hope so otherwise, this is cray. <—doesn’t even deserve two crays
Lastly, remember when that chick Jenelle from Teen Mom 2 tried to evade probation time because she had feathers in her hair and needed to see a Ke$ha concert? Well, she’s having another baby. She announced it to the world with these classy lady photos.
Clean and clear is writing out an angry letter as we speak. Gurl, you need to get it together. We don’t even have anything snarky to say about this.
Welp, that’s it folks. Love you boo boo, xoxo.